Anton (aou) wrote in torontoru,
Anton
aou
torontoru

How to spot Russian in Canada

Вот тут для англоязычного сайта нарисовал - может и вам понравится. Ну и исправления/дополнения конечно приветствуются.

How to spot Russian in Canada

Language. Russians obviously speak Russian among themselves and assume no one around them understands it. At the first sign of another Russian nearby, they shut up immediately and continue in English only at the bare minimum level that situation requires. As the surprising contrast to not willing to speak in Russian to strangers - making sure their kids speak Russian fluently - is an overarching goal for a Russian parent. Russian books and TV at home, after-hours Russian schools, Russian speaking playmates, punishing the kid for attempting to speak English at home - everything to make sure kid is fluent in Russian. It’s a total failure of Russian parent in Canada if the kid is not fluent in the language of Leo Tolstoy and Dostoevski.

Appearance. Russians do overdress and they know it. So, they try hard to look more like Canadians. But they still stay classy. Maybe just a bit of makeup and high hills for grocery shopping. Leggings, shorts+flip-flops or god forbid - Crocs are No-No for Russian. For some strange reason - sandals with socks are classy.

Eating habits. Russians don’t eat out. Restaurants? - Total waste of time and money. A pint of beer at the bar after work? Good luck finding a single Russian in any of Toronto pubs. Take-out? Careful here… You are literally suggesting the Russian man that his wife can’t cook. Canadian supermarkets are mostly tolerable for Russian, but not the Deli or Dairy sections. There is small, hole-in-the-wall Russian grocery few blocks away just for these two.

Kids. We discussed some of the kids' stuff in the language section. But it doesn’t end here. It’s just getting started. At the end of the day, the sole purpose of Russians immigrating to Canada was to give their kids a better life. Kids of Russians are gifted. Period. Don't you dare challenge that! Russian parent in Canada knows it even before the child is born. Therefore no Canadian public school can match the intellectual abilities of the Russian child. What do you mean they can’t take square roots without a calculator by grade 3?! If Russian can afford it - kid goes to the best private school. If not - after-school math, science, history, and art classes. Preferably by Russian - speaking teachers. Sports? Yeah. The kid should develop not only intellectually, but also physically. Hockey is too redneck for Russian. Gymnastics, figure skating, tennis, chess (yes, that’s a sport too!), maybe dancing and martial arts classes. Fore sure - Russian trainers are better. What these Canadians know about gymnastics anyways?! So after school Russian kid goes from one class to another, only to face mandatory “Russian reading time” before bed, barely even having a chance to look out of the window and see his Canadian classmates fooling around outside (what a waste of time!)

Where do Russians live? Well… it should be “white” neighborhood, with the good schools, Russian deli, all the after-school classes (preferably by Russian - speaking teaches) and it should not be a Russian neighborhood. Yes, Russians like to brag about living “not in the Russian ghetto”.

UPD: по многочисленным просьбам трудящихся русских канадцев - подчистил как мог грамматику, добавил про макияж и гимнастику.
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